


Where Ever You Are is The Place I Belong

by fxcknouiam



Series: i'm not done yet, falling for your fools gold [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cute babies, F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4949242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxcknouiam/pseuds/fxcknouiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conclusions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Ever You Are is The Place I Belong

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking about doing chapters for Liam and Louis/Harry so nothing is left a mystery but I'm not sure yet :) ps this is half edited sorry I'm sleepy

Six days, Junior isn't even a week old yet. He is six days old, meaning it's only been four days since Niall last seen Zayn. Throughout those six days, she averages about twenty hours of sleep total. Junior has colic, and Evan has been super whiney and needy. 

If he can't hold the baby, he throws a temper tantrum. If Niall won't hold him, he throws a temper tantrum. If he has to have chocolate milk in a big boy cup instead of a sippy cup because the mouth pieces get nasty, well. He throws a temper tantrum. Maura says he's just jealous of the new baby, and that Niall should set aside time for him when Junior is sleeping. Except Junior doesn't sleep. He screams and eats and screams some more. 

Right now, Niall's topless in the kitchen because Juniors puked then pissed on her shirt while she was trying to make Evan's grilled cheese. She hasn't showered in two, maybe three days and Zayn hasn't text her all day, even though she doesn't reply to him anyway. 

The second she puts the sandwich on a plate to cool Junior screams again, so she picks him up and sighs in relief when he latches with little fuss. 

"Poor Zaynie," she coos at the little tears in his eyes. He doesn't have much hair yet but he's got some, he's beautiful. 

"Mama," Evan comes in the kitchen, crying and pointing in his mouth. 

"Are you hungry?" She tries to hand him a triangle of the grilled cheese but he slaps it away and throws his hands in frustration. 

"What's wrong baby? Did bite your tongue?" 

All he's doing is crying and holding his mouth. He clings to her immediately when she picks him up. 

She kisses his sweaty head. "You're okay bubba," 

The exact second she turns her head and stops looking in his mouth he vomits. All over himself and his brother, all over the floor and, yes. Her breasts. Her entire torso is covered puke that smells like rotten milk and now both babies are crying. Niall's seconds away from joining them. 

She feels like shit doing it, but she lays Junior back in his bouncer and shoves a binkie in his mouth. She strips Evan, who's crying and wiping his face on her arm and fuck she can't fucking do this. 

So she sets Evan on the counter next to the sink, sobbing as she wipes herself off and dials Zayn's number. 

He's the only person she knows here, and they are still in his house since he insisted he would be the one to stay at a hotel. 

"Niall?" He answers, all confused. 

She tries to sob out coherent words but it's hard when both kids are crying and she's covered in puke. 

"I need you!" Niall screams, frustrated. 

"Are you alright? I'm on my way baby, okay?" 

She nods, too exhausted to realize he can't see her and she goes about cleaning Evander. She takes him to the bathtub and let's the shower spray over him, which only makes him cry more because the water is getting on his face and his fucking diapers still on.

Niall is delirious and completely lost for what to do. So when she hears Zayn, she can only make happy, relived whimpers. She abandons Evan and goes off in search of Zayn. He's staring in horror at the puke on the floor and the baby. The kitchen reeks. 

"Oh, baby." Zayn sounds all sad, making sad faces at her. She's still topless, covered in throw up, and crying.

"Evan-" Niall hiccups, lip quivering. "He," she points to her mouth, sobbing too much to finish.

"Okay, where is he?" Zayn says, so gentle and concerned. 

Niall points to the bathroom and starts walking there. Zayn follows. 

"Alright, honey." Zayn picks up Evan so he's standing out of the spray. "Why don't you get in with him and help clean him up, okay? You wash you two up and I'll go clean the mess in the kitchen." He sounds so patient, similar to how you'd speak to a child. 

Niall finds it very calming right now, much appreciated. She does what he says, washes the two of them and puts them in clean pajamas despite it being before two in the afternoon. 

The kitchen already smells like Pine Sol and both Zayn's are sitting quietly on the sofa. 

"Daddy." Evan points to his dad all sleepy with his head on Niall's chest. 

"Hey buddy. Feeling better?" Niall sets Evan down and takes a seat next to Zayn. 

"I should feed him." 

Junior is drooling on his dad's chest, in a more peaceful slumber than he's been in his entire life, all six days of it. Niall's more relieved than jealous. 

"I already did, with the milk in the fridge." 

The only bottle she was able to pump. She should probably pump right now, but Junior is knocked out and Evan's half way there already. It feels like forever since Niall had some sleep. 

"Go to sleep." He tells her, soft and sweet. Why does she want to kiss him? He's the enemy here. "I got them, go sleep." 

Is it messed up that she wants to ask him to cuddle her? 

"We have to have a talk." She reminds more herself than him. 

"Okay, that's. We can do that." 

She just hums, too tired to give a real response. 

"If I ask you to lay in bed with me will you make me regret it?"

They've lived together since she was about five or six months pregnant with Evan, so that's well over three years that she hasn't had to fall asleep without him. 

She just misses the warm body, alright. 

He looks shocked. "Are you sure?" 

Please, she thinks. Please please please. She was so sure he didn't love her, only married her to have kids so he could get the money. But maybe she was wrong? He's been trying to call and text her all week, he let her stay here and hasn't come over at all until today because she specifically told him not to. 

But. She's too tired to think like this right now, all rationally and shit. 

"If that's alright with you." Niall yawns. 

She literally hears Zayn swallow. Does he not want to? Is he here because he pities her? She did sound awfully pathetic on the phone. 

"Of course." 

Well. She's not going to give him time to take it back. 

Niall nods. She picks up Evan and carries him to his bed. He feels a little warm, so she turns on his ceiling fan and puts a bottled water on his night stand. 

"Poor baby." She kisses his forehead, leaving before she decides to just forget the handsome man waiting to spoon her and sleep here. 

Junior is still asleep in his bassinet beside the bed, the little shit. He barely knows his dad and already listens to him better. 

Zayn's laying on the bed, all awkward. He looks like he's worried Niall will kick him out any second. 

She's too tired for that. 

When she lays down close to him, he tenses and doesn't touch her at all. That just won't do. She lays her head on his chest, arm draped over his middle and tangles their legs. One of the ways they used to sleep, wasn't so easy when she was pregnant though. 

"It looks like I'm actually going to get some sleep." Niall thinks out loud. 

Zayn hums, but takes to long to say anything else before Niall does indeed fall asleep. 

***

Surprisingly, Niall wakes herself up. Even more surprising, Junior is still sound asleep and so is Zayn. The fact that Evan didn't come in tells her he's still asleep too. 

She could use some more sleep, since she has no idea how much she actually got but. She's very aware of Zayn, and Zayn's very hard cock on her thigh. She's not going to be able to go back to sleep comfortably until she gets off. 

Niall's still half asleep when she straddles him, now in just her underwear and him in basketball shorts. 

"Zayn," she buries her face in his neck, carding her fingers through his hair as she tries to grind their crotches together. 

Zayn groans, shifting his hips up towards the friction. "What are you doing?" He asks, all sleepy. 

"I'm horny." She would like very much to fuck him, but she can't. She can't even have a tampon up there, his dick is like eight tampons. She whimpers at the thought. 

"We can't-" he grabs her ass, pulling her down harder against him. 

It's not sexy, not at all. Her legs are almost as hairy as his and her pad is sticking out of her underwear. Their breath stinks, probably more hers than his and they're so sweaty since she can't turn the air down because of the baby. But it feels good, and that's enough reason to keep doing it. 

They are still married, after all. 

"Should we go in the shower or something?" He asks all breathless. 

Niall shakes her head and sits up straight. She can't feel enough through this stupid fucking pad. 

"I'm bleeding." She tells him. 

Zayn just blinks. "What can we do then?"

She shifts her hips, his cock is so hard and lovely underneath her. 

Fuck it. 

Niall scoots down by his thighs and pulls the shorts down just enough to get his cock out. Zayn's already making little moans. 

She can't wait anymore. She wraps her lips around the head of his prick like she's giving it a nice little kiss. Bitter precome is already leaking out of the hole. 

"Have you wanked?" Niall hasn't had time to get herself off but Zayn has. The thought of him all alone, fucking his fist until he comes makes her a little floaty. 

Unless he's fucked somebody else already. She's not going to think about that right now. 

"Yeah," Zayn nods. Niall moans around him, taking him further in his mouth as her own fingers work her clit.

"Tell me about it." She suggests, letting spit dribble over his prick to make the slide easier in her mouth. 

"I- fuck," he's watching her, and that's what she likes. She has to slow her fingers down so she doesn't come so soon, despite how much she'd like to. 

"I was in bed," his abs flex when Niall hallows her cheeks. Niall wants to rub herself all over his stupid abs. "No lotion, didn't need it." 

He used his precome for lubrication. Niall encourages him to continue by swallowing down to his balls, licking her tongue out to reach those too. 

"I kept picturing- shit good girl baby," he encourages. Niall's so close, after he tells her what he thought about, then she'll let herself come. 

She needs it so much. 

"I thought about your mouth." He confesses. "I wanted to come on your face," 

That's where he's going to come now, then. 

Niall pops him out of her mouth to bury her face in his hip, coming with little spasms so intense she actually gets cramps from it. Her back is starting to ache too, so she wanks Zayn fast and messy. 

"Fuck, fuck," he pants. 

She decides last minute she doesn't actually want his spunk on her face, so when he does start ejaculating she covers the tip with her fist and angles his cock away from her. He won't complain. Or, he better not. 

"We shouldn't have done that." Niall mumbles, climbing off the bed to go clean herself up. 

When she comes back Zayn's rocking junior, smiling at him and whispering some bull shit. Well, probably. He's whispered a lot of bull shit to Niall so it wouldn't be surprising. 

"He's hungry," Zayn tells her when he notices her standing there, watching them. 

"He's always hungry." But it has been like, five hours since he's successfully eaten so poor baby probably is hungry. 

As soon as he's away from Zayn's chest Junior screams, doesn't stop screaming until Niall's nipple is in his mouth. Then he only sighs in content and gives her the same dirty looks he always gives her. 

Junior hates mama. 

"He was just smiling a second ago," Zayn rubs the baby's - /his/ baby's cheek with his finger. Junior just sucks harder. 

Junior really hates mama.

"Thanks for coming by, I have no idea what I would have done if you didn't." 

Now that she's had some sleep, and her mind is clearer from coming, she's careful with her words. Earlier she said she needed him, and she did, at that exact moment. She doesn't want him to read too much into what she says because of the way she says it. 

"It's no problem at all, I'm happy to do it. Thank you for calling me." Zayn nods, smiling a little. 

He probably expects Niall to let him move back in and pretend everything is okay again. That or he pities her, feels bad for the mess he's caused of her life. 

She loves her kids, even if Junior is kind of a dick. 

Zayn kisses Niall's temple on his way to the bathroom, it makes her uncomfortable enough that she leaves when he closes the door to go check on Evan. It's extremely difficult to walk and breastfeed, especially when the house is boobie trapped with blocks and trucks. 

Evan's temperature is gone, he doesn't feel hot anymore but he's still sleeping. Niall decides to let him sleep and suffer the consequences later, if he's actually sick he'll need the rest anyway. 

She settles herself on the couch with the baby pillow around her waist to support Little Zaynie. He fusses a little when she makes him switch sides. 

"You're okay Zaynie." His hair is so soft, she loves touching his head. He's really quite cute when he's not screaming. 

"Did you still want to talk?" Zayn's- big Zayn, obviously, voice is hardly above a whisper but it still startles her. She jolts Zaynie too, who fiercely sucks harder in fear of nipple being taken away. 

"We can," she shrugs. 

She's an adult, a mom even, and she never ever regrets sex especially if it's good sex. But right now, she's kind of regretting blowing Zayn. 

"Okay." He sits next to her, basically on the same cushion and smiles all fond and dopey at the little boy. 

Zaynie stops sucking for a second and Niall swears he's never even smiled for her yet but here is, less than twenty four hours away from being a week old and the little shit is laughing at his dad. 

This just isn't fair. 

"Are you flirting with daddy?" Niall coos. 

Zaynie's lip quivers, as if being reminded the woman who gave him life is here is such an awful thing. 

"You know what," Niall passes Zayn to Zayn, sick of all the Zayn's today. They can bond while she pumps. 

Big Zayn is a little awkward when Niall starts pumping right there on the couch without covering herself, he won't even look at her. When she tried to pump for Evan he used to make her do it in their room, he's not the boss anymore though. 

"Do you love me?" No bull shit, straight to it. Niall needs to know.

"I'm here aren't I?" Niall gives him the most unimpressed eyebrow raise, he sighs. "Too much, probably." 

Her heart involuntarily flutters. "Did you love me in the beginning?"

He looks confused but nods anyway. "I tried not to, because you were still fucking Liam but." Zayn shrugs. "I couldn't help the way I felt. I would have done anything to have you." 

Bull shit, Niall reminds himself. He's manipulative. 

But fuck if he isn't good. 

"I might have... not been so good at showing it, maybe, but I'm really fucking afraid of losing you." 

Niall blames hormones for the tears on her cheeks. She angrily wipes them away. 

"Then why didn't you tell me you were going to inherit money for having a boy?" She means to sound angry, she really does, but she admittedly sounds more like Evan when he's told he can't have cake for breakfast. 

He stops patting Junior's butt (he just gives his dad a look, had it been Niall who stopped patting she would have received shrieks and probably some farts) and gives her the most incredulous look, like he can't believe her audacity. 

"Money wasn't and still isn't something for you to worry about, especially not while you're my wife." 

He's a brilliant actor. Why isn't he employed by Hollywood?

"Fuck whatever I said when I was mad, that was just shit talk. You know in my opinion work and school is tedious for you." 

He sounds so stern, like he's not going to argue on it. 

"You monitored everything I did! I had no fucking privacy and I still don't because I don't know what you did to my phone!" Niall's crying frustrated tears now. 

"I had to." Is all he says, his only explanation. 

"Why?"

"Because you fucking cheated on me!" He screams, veins popping out on his neck. 

Junior is still sucking his little fist, all content to be around dad even though dad's being a fucking ass hole. 

Niall covers her face, crying harder now. She's so frustrated and confused. 

"I gave you everything and you still went back to him!" Zayn yells, spit flying. "Fuck the money and the cars, I gave you my heart." 

God, he's always so good at turning the situation into something it wasn't. Flipping it on her so she's the bad guy. 

"What? You think because I hit you I didn't fucking love you?" He tries to pull her wrist away from her face, she yanks it back. Fucking ass hole. 

"You were never home!" She defends. She went from going out every night, being around a ton of people all the time to being home alone for hours upon hours every day. Then she had Evan, and it was just her and a baby for hours upon hours, day after day. 

And he wasn't nice when he finally did come home. He expected a tidy house, not one thing out of place and if it was he had an attitude for the rest of the night. It's not as easy as it seems being married to Zayn. Especially when you're not meant to be a housewife. 

"I had to work to support you and Evan!" Zayn reminds her. 

"You actually have the nerve to ask if I loved you? My entire fucking family looks down on me in shame for marrying a woman with another mans child!" 

He's so worked up and angry Niall has to take the pump off and take Junior away from him. When her fingers accidentally touch his chest (when the hell did he take his shirt off? He fights dirty.) his body is hot. He's genuinely angry. 

"Maybe you should go." Niall shakes her head. Of course Junior starts his shit, screaming like he's being murdered. "This isn't going anywhere, all we're doing is upsetting each other."

"Fuck it." Just like that, Zayn leaves, slamming the door on his way out. 

***

Liam calls her two days later, a few minutes after she sent Zayn a picture of the boys laying in bed. 

He's still their father, regardless of what happens between them 

"I haven't heard from you in a while." Liam always sounds so fucking sad and miserable. Nobody told him to stay in a loveless marriage. 

"Well, I been pretty busy." Junior is sleeping in his bouncer on the counter so, so peacefully while Evan colors at the table. 

Niall drew a shark for him, he decided to make it eat people. There's even a brown squiggle that's meant to be the sharks dog. 

"Junior doesn't sleep much, so you called at a decent time at least." 

"Junior?" Liam asks, sounding pained. 

Even Niall is surprised by how little she cares. 

"Like, Zayn junior, then?" 

"Yeah, it's his son." Niall confirms. 

"Oh." Like it's a surprise to him, or something. 

"Is there a reason you called?" 

"I just miss you, you haven't been responding to my texts. I was under the impression we were working towards being together again-"

"Liam," Niall sighs. "It's like, three years too late for you to decide you want me." 

"I've always wanted you." He says immediately. 

She's not in the mood for this. Can't have this talk with Zayn /and/ Liam if she expects her life to go anywhere. 

Besides, Liam really hurt her. She wanted him so bad and he only wanted her back when it was convenient for him. 

"What we had," she falters, looking for the right words to say so she doesn't sound completely heartless. "Is over." Well. At least she tried. 

"I'll always love you, you'll always be important to me but," she squeezes her eyes closed. This is harder than she anticipated. "We need to move on. You need someone who loves you and all of the things you love," 

Don't judge her, but she immediately thinks about the gym. She fucking hated working out and that's an oddly large part of not only his life but his daily routine. 

"And I need someone who- fuck. I don't even know what I need." She laughs, because she has to. She sounds pretty stupid. "It's just, I need someone who can be there for me and my kids and that's just not you." 

He starts to interrupt her, probably to deny but she doesn't give him the chance. "It's not just me anymore. Or, me and your biological son. It's me and /two/ kids, that's an entire family Liam. I can't just drop everything and come be with you for you to decide this isn't for you in a few months." 

Niall doesn't bring up Zayn, because right now Zayn has nothing to do with her relationship with Liam. She could be with Liam right now if she wanted to, move him in here and everything but that's not what she wants. When she had sex with him all those months ago in his house, it was just sex. Really, really good sex, but just sex. No emotions, no desire to cuddle and kiss until round two. 

"If you ever need anything you can always call me. I'll always be your friend but I just, I can't be with you. It's too late."

They're quiet for a while until she hears the beep indicating that Liam hung up. 

***

Niall and Evan are tired of sitting at home all day. 

("Evan, mama's bored."

"You bored?" Evan gasps. 

"We need to go somewhere, we need to get out of this house."

"Yeah!" Evan stomps, little lips pouted and fists on his hips. He's only in his diaper and boy is he cute.)

So everybody gets dressed, which Evan is exceptionally helpful with. 

("Does mama look pretty or fat in this?" She's in shorts and a somewhat form fitting tank top that she's not too sure about. 

"Ummm," he thinks, tapping his chin. "Little fat." Evan decides, pinching his fingers together in the shape of a mouth.)

First they go eat, no where fancy, just some diner. Evan eats all three of his chicken tenders, half his fries, and an ice cream Sunday. Niall took little a bite of the lettuce from her salad before she had to feed Zaynie, but after that he was pretty good too. 

In the car Evan's all sleepy and full so he falls asleep while Niall's asking him what he should do next. She's too bored to just go back home, she didn't get all dolled up for nothing. (She brushed her hair and put a little make up on, that's dolled up in mommy world.)

On a whim, she decides to type the address of Zayn's hotel in her GPS. It's about twenty five minutes away without traffic, roughly thirty four with traffic. Just enough time to let Evan sleep but get there before Junior wakes up. 

She's not going to call Zayn. They're just going to show up. They were texting earlier and he said he wasn't up to anything, so. 

Plus she's noticed Perrie's car has been gone all day and well. Old suspicions die just as hard as old habits. 

It only takes like a minute or ten of cursing for Niall to get the stroller set up. Much to her surprise Evan stays asleep when she moves him into it. Zaynie of course makes a fuss, but that's nothing a soother can't fix. 

The hotel is fancy, not that Niall would expect any less from Zayn. The receptionist (? Cute bitch at the counter) greats her with a perfect smile, asking how she can help her. 

"I'm Zayn Malik's wife, I wanted-"

"Of course." The lady smiles, already typing something in her computer. "Here's your key."

Niall's... baffled. 

"That's- that's it?" 

The pretty lady nods, still smiling. "Mr. Malik made a very clear request that should you come here, you get the key to his room. Indefinitely."

Niall blinks. "Wow,"

The smiling very pretty lady looks around before leaning in, whispering now, "I know right? Like, how long does he plan on staying here?" 

Niall just shrugs and thanks her, already walking to the elevator. 

She finds his room with no problem, and even though she wants to surprise him she does knock because he would probably think it was rude if she didn't. 

He doesn't answer though, and Evan is starting to wake up so she lets herself in. His bed is made, which is no surprise. It does however surprise her in a good way when she notices the only personal blanket on the bed is Niall's favorite fluffy one, the softest blanket that she usually always sleeps with.  
Niall didn't even know it was missing. 

She lays Evan on the pillows and gets Junior out of the car seat to feed him. Zayn's got random papers and his laptop on the desk by the window, she's not going to snoop. Except she snoops a little finds women's lotion in the bathroom next to his toiletries. For a moment she's livid, until she smells it. It's hers, yet another thing she uses everyday that she didn't know was missing. 

Other than that everything is normal, right down to his folded socks and the coconut coffee creamer in the fridge. 

Okay. She snooped a lot, but not on his computer or through anymore of his papers. (It was all boring work stuff anyway, the divorce papers were on the way bottom sit unsigned.)

She doesn't mean to fall asleep when Junior does, but. Shit happens. 

She's awoken by the door clicking open. Evan, who was laying next to her playing a game on her phone cheers the second he sees Zayn. So does Junior but much, much louder. 

"My daddy!" Evan jumps into Zayn's arms the second he's by the bed. 

Zayn's all sweaty, he's wearing basketball shorts again (Niall tries her hardest to not look at his cute cute butt) (or lovely lovely cock) (she's got to start masturbating again, this is ridiculous) and his running shoes, just a thin white shirt on. His usual running attire. 

"My Evander!" Zayn scoops him up, kissing all over his cheeks in a way that tickles him. 

Zayn gives Niall a look, the sexy bedroom look. (Maybe he hasn't been masturbating either?) "You look good." 

The look in his eyes makes her feel sexy. She doesn't really like her body right now, and she knows she has bags under her eyes that resemble mummies. But the way he's looking at her right now... She feels sexy. 

"Yeah?" She fishes subtly for more compliments. 

Zayn sucks in a breath, shaking his head. "Oh yeah." 

Niall blushes, busying herself with checking Zaynie's diaper. 

"I'm gonna go shower, daddy will be right back." He says to Evan, but winks at Niall. 

No. They are /not/ doing the daddy thing when they're...like this. 

By time he gets out, Junior is back asleep and Evan's singing along to Ninja turtles movie Niall ordered.

So, Zayn kind of tackles her on the bed and attacks her neck with his mouth. Niall squeals and tries to push him away, but the biting makes her wrap her legs around his waist. 

"You smell so fucking good." He groans, kissing all over her neck up to her ear. 

"Really? Even though you knicked my lotion?" 

He breathes out a laugh. "You noticed that, huh?"

"Mhm." She can't help herself when she runs her hands over his shoulders. For a second, just one, she allows herself to pretend they're alright. No fighting, no divorce nonsense. It's just them, and it's nice. 

"You came." He says, not moving off of her but backing away enough to make eye contact. "I didn't think you'd ever come here." 

If he were in this kind of mood more often Zayn himself would not even be here. 

"Well, we got bored." 

Truth is, she knew her destination the second she told Evan to get dressed. She misses Zayn and the longer they hold off having their talk the longer she doesn't know how to feel. Should she forget about him or try to work on it?

Zayn hums. "How long were you guys waiting? I was out for about two hours this time." 

"Not long." A little longer than half an hour. "Get off of me, you big lump." 

Zayn pointedly pushes his crotch into hers. He fights so fucking dirty. "Big lump?" He wiggles his eyebrows obnoxiously. 

"Your kids are on this bed." At that he does get off of her, smacking a kiss to her cheek. It's like they didn't have a heated argument the last time they saw each other. 

"You really do look good," 

They could keep up with this flirting nonsense all day, and Niall didn't pack enough diapers for that. 

"Are you okay to talk some more? I don't wanna fight." 

Zayn hums, smiling. If Niall didn't know the signs like the back of her hand by now she'd think he was high. 

"We can talk. Gonna be a little distracted, but we can talk." 

She doesn't even know where to start now, since he's already pretty much proven he loved her. 

"I don't like it when you hit me." She just kind of... blurts it out. 

She would of had more control had Evan not been tapping the television screen and talking to it. 

Zayn's face falls to more of a sad one. She feels guilt, but it's an issue they need to work on. 

"I know baby, I don't either." 

"Not just when you... beat me up." Niall shakes her head. "The choking obviously too, but like. The pinching when we're at dinner and I'm not acting how you want me to, or when you dig your elbows in me because you can't punch me in front of people. I don't like it." 

He nods, not looking at her anymore. She didn't mean to ruin the mood, but that's the point of this. If these issues aren't worked out she's going through the courts to send another divorce notice. She's not one of those girls who let's her husband beat her up. That's not okay. 

"I know, I know. It's something I need to work on. I get it." He licks his bottom lip, apparently still all flirty because: "I think you won last time, though."

She was so mad at herself for fighting back, that wasn't okay either. Nobody deserves to be hit, which is why she won't even spank Evan. (Apart from the time he thought it was hilarious to slap her in the face, she tore his little butt up that day.)

"I'm not perfect," Niall shakes her head. "This isn't just stuff for you to fix. I have stuff to work on too," 

"Like the cheating." He supplies right away. Yeah, that's definitely something. 

"I talked to Liam the other day, I told him I don't want to be with him. That really didn't have anything to do with you, I'm just done with him." 

Zayn does look a tad annoyed now, even though he shouldn't. 

"And in, oh let's say five or so months when you two run into each other what's going to happen then?" 

"Nothing. Maybe we'll hug, or talk to catch up but I need to grow up and having a fuck buddy doesn't appeal to me anymore." 

He seems satisfied with that answer. But he catches her kind of off guard with his next question. 

"Was it just Liam or were there others?" 

This is when she has to decide, does the thing with Harry count or not? She puts herself in Zayn's shoes. If it were him who had an affair, fuck yes Niall would want to know every single little detail. It counts. But not to Louis if she ever talks to her again. (She will. In time.)

"Just one." 

Zayn looks pained. "Who?" 

She shakes her head. "I'm not sure you'll want to know."

The wounded sound he makes makes her immediately regret the way she worded it. 

"Okay, okay. It was Harry, but I didn't fuck him." 

He... He laughs. "Are you fucking kidding me?" 

"I was drunk and I'd just found out about Louis and Liam and Harry knew and- I sat on his face and that's it." 

Zayn stares at her, she feels so nasty now. Unclean... dirty. 

"How can we... everything I did, tracking your phone, your car, moving you an hour away from everybody you know and you still found ways to cheat on me." He shakes his head, sad and disappointed. 

"I'm not- I don't want to do that anymore." She shakes her head. 

"When was the last time?" He asks. 

Niall's heart stops... or maybe it's speeding up. She can't tell the difference right now, with the ringing in her ears and the sudden dryness of her throat. 

"I told you Harry was a one time thing, over a year ago." 

"No. The other one." He can't even say Liam's name, god. 

"I don't want to tell you." Her voice is small and scared. She wishes Evan would interrupt, stupid ninja turtles. 

Zayn closes his eyes. "This year?" 

Niall's silent. He dry sobs, it's probably the most heartbreaking thing she's ever seen. 

"While you were pregnant?" She's crying now, because she feels so fucking gross for letting Liam even touch her. 

"You asked if I love you," Niall feels so ashamed. "But do you even love me?"

"Yes." She even put her wedding ring back in today. Maybe that's why he was so happy when he seen them? 

"How do I know that?" 

"I think the fact that I'm here working things out after I've already given you divorce papers says a lot." Her voice comes out all squeaky and whiney, but of fucking well, she's crying she can't help it. 

She notices that he's wearing his ring too, he never takes it off. Not even when he showers. Niall used to pull hers off at least ten times a day, she's lost it too many times to count. 

"What pushed you to want a divorce?" 

That issue has already been taken care of and she knows he's going to get an attitude because she didn't talk to him about it before she got the papers. 

"I thought you didn't love me." Her lips wobbles a little as she wipes her eyes with one of Junior's four hundred blankets. 

They're in California, the heats blazing. He doesn't need so many blankets. 

"And what the hell made you think that?" 

Junior starts fussing, before Niall can get to him Zayn's already pulling the baby towards him and cradling him to his chest. Once he's situated, the little brat notices it's dad and smiles in awe. 

Niall's done everything to get that baby to smile, all he does is glare. 

"Because you didn't tell me about the inheritance." She answers simply. "I mean, there was a time limit or whatever." She shrugs, sniffling. 

"So you thought I just settled for you?" 

Niall nods. That's exactly what she thought. She was an easy target too, young and broke with no family in the country for guidance except Louis, who was on drugs. Niall's had a lot of time to think this over. 

"I'm sorry you've ever felt like I loved you with anything less than my entire heart." 

That alone is a huge step forward. 

***

Now that they've got their issues sorted and on the table, Zayn and Niall decide they're going to start dating again. Lauren isn't a babysitter, and even though she was perfect with Evan Niall's not going to treat her like one. So Niall does actually get the number of the woman down the streets babysitter. She's an older woman and she's got a cat on her shirt and a tin of cookies with her when she shows up. Niall instantly likes and trusts her. 

Plus, there's Nanny cams everywhere. 

"You look so..." Zayn shakes his head. "Sexy." 

Niall gets all shy and bashful now. He always makes her feel sexy when she just knows she isn't. She's flabby and roots have grown over an inch because who has time to dye hair anymore and don't even get her started on her crows feet. 

But Zayn doesn't take his eyes off of her, not even when a girl Niall definitely knows is his type walks past, swaying her hips all extra in front of Zayn. 

"You just think you're going to get lucky." Niall's cheeks are red, if Zayn comments on it Niall will blame the heat even though they're in an air conditioned restaurant. 

It's fancy too, fancy enough that Niall was able to break out a very flattering black dress she bought online. It accents her breasts while disguising her tummy. Needless to say it was rated five stars by her. 

"I've got the most beautiful woman in this room, baby I'm already lucky." 

Niall snorts at his flirting. It feels so nice though, like when they used to date before. They needed this, and she's very happy all of this has happened. 

"I can, you know." Niall sips her wine. She's only having one glass, and she's definitely pumped enough that dumping this milk won't be a problem.  
"You can?" Zayn grins. 

"Well." She flushes. "The doctor said I should wait another week but." Niall shrugs. "I feel like I want it,"

Zayn's Adams Apple bobs when he swallows. 

Junior had his one month check up a few days ago. The doctor said since she tore (they really didn't have time to do anything, it was a very quick delivery) Niall should probably wait longer but it's all up to her and what she feels comfortable with. She'd like some cock, she decided. 

"Should we?" She asks, suddenly a little nervous now. "I mean, it's our first date-"

She cuts herself off by laughing, which Zayn joins in on. Like any time is ever a bad time for them to have sex. 

"Okay." Niall downs her wine and stands up, somewhat regretting it because now she's a bit dizzy. "Lets go then, I'm pretty sure the sitter falls asleep before nine."

They just got here... they've ordered wine and nothing else. 

Zayn slaps a hundred dollar bill on the table and takes her hand. 

*

"Remember the first time you fucked me?" Niall mouths at his jaw. He's stood between her legs, arms around her waist and hers around his neck. The hotel bed gives her a sense of deja vu. 

Zayn groans a little. "Do you?" 

Niall nods. "You should pay me again." She jokes. 

He yanks her hair, pulling her head back to look at him. "It was only a hundred dollars. Your bank account now would surely laugh in that hundred dollars face." He grins. 

She doesn't have a bank account. Well, she does but there's nothing in it. Unless he's trying to tell her he put money in it? Not the point though. 

Niall cups his dick and squeezes quite little. "It was five hundred." 

"I must have really liked you then." 

She nods, laying back on the bed and pulling him with her by her legs. "I think you did. Even though you paid me you still made sure I came. Such a gentlemen." 

"Wanted to make a good first impression."

He did, obviously. Since four years later they're married with two kids. 

"I'm still..." Niall hides her face in his shoulder, a little embarrassed. 

"Impressed?" Zayn guesses. 

Yes, but not what she was going for. 

"Yeah, but I meant I'm still bleeding a little," 

She hears Zayn laugh a little. He doesn't care about stuff like that most of the time but she always tells him anyway. It's rude not to. 

"Are you sore?"

Why is she so embarrassed? This man has literally held her hand while she took a shit because she was scared she was going to have the baby in the toilet. 

"Not really, be gentle though." 

And he is. She's very sensitive and it's so fucking good that Niall's a mewling, whimpering mess, clawing at his shoulders by the third thrust. 

"Right there, right there baby oh my god-" Niall whines, panting. "You feel so good," 

She doesn't know if she'll come like this, it would probably be too much. Everything is so sensitive in a good way, she feels him everywhere. 

"I love you," Zayn bumps their noses, keeping up with the steady rhythm of his hips. 

Niall makes needy sounds, close to crying almost as she tried to suck his bottom lip. Instead, Zayn just licks his tongue into her mouth. She's too blessed to know if she actually comes or not, which sounds odd but when Zayn pulls out and touches her clit she jerks away out of reflex. So maybe she did? Regardless, it was amazing. 

"Thank you," Zayn kisses her face. Niall's still feeling kind if clingy. "Thank you so much baby." 

They stay like that for another hour until Niall has to leave. 

***

It finally happens. After an entire month and some odd days Zaynie smiles at his mama. 

"Look at mommy's handsome smiley baby!" She coos. He smiles wide and toothless, throwing his little fists in his bouncer. 

"Is him smiling again mama?" Evan asks, finger in his nose standing in front of the television. 

Again? So apparently this baby smiles for everybody except Niall? Well not today. 

"Yeah, Zaynie's a happy baby! Aren't you boo boo?" These smiles are too much. So adorable Niall has to start recording. She sends it to everybody on snap chat, momentarily forgetting Liam's in her contacts. 

Why does he even have snap chat? Oh, yeah. Because he's a piece of shit who had to hide his secret life from his wife who he cheated on. 

Like Niall has room to judge. 

The house is unsurprisingly messy, clothes and toys everywhere. Any other time Niall would be huffing and puffing to rush and clean it all up before Zayn got here but. Today she decides to text the waters. The house isn't always going to be spotless with two kids living here, especially when Niall decides to start school again. If he can't handle a messy house... 

Then maybe they shouldn't live together. 

Zayn brings pizza, which Evan cheers and Niall is grateful for. Making lunch would have added to the dishes she has yet to do, and there are already bottles soaking in the sink. 

"I'm having all the pizza!" Evander screams, already running to the kitchen. 

"And don't give my baby no pizza either, daddy!" The little boy lays down the law, watching with his hands on his hips as Zayn makes his plate. 

"Your baby?" Zayn asks, amused. 

"You didn't even help me change the poopy diaper!" Niall tattles.

There was shit all up Zaynie's back and almost up to his belly button. It was fucking nasty. 

"Eat babe," Zayn kisses her forehead, then Junior's. (And Evan's pizza saucey lips when they're puckered." 

"I'm gunna pick up in the living room for you." Oh. This is a change. 

Before, sometimes Zayn didn't even take his own plate to the sink. Naturally he expected it washed but didn't want to help to get it there. So, the fact that he's even thinking about cleaning a mess that is not even close to being his says a lot. 

Niall feels kind of bad though, so she eats quickly and puts Zaynie in his bouncer so she can tidy up the kitchen. 

Her house is by no means dirty, just messy. Lived in.

"So." Zayn says once they're finally settled. They're watching a movie while Evan plays games on the tablet Niall got him for his birthday. 

"So." 

Junior is awake. He's laying on his dad's lap watching his dad like he's the most interesting thing in the world. Niall understands. You never really get used to a face as beautiful as Zayn's. 

"How long are we going to do this?" He asks. Zaynie has his fists wrapped around big Zayn's fingers and it doesn't look like he's letting go any time soon. 

"You wanna come home?" Niall asks softly. 

He nods. "Sick of falling asleep without you." 

She can relate. But at least she's got her babies to cuddle. Zayn's all alone. 

"Hmm." Niall has to mull this one over. 

Correction: Niall has to /pretend/ to mull this one over. 

"How about you take me, Zaynie and Evander on a date and then I'll ask Evan if you can come back." 

This is too simple. Evan is going to say yes even if he's bored and has a terrible time. But it's important because they can't just wait for a babysitter to come around every time they want to go out. They need to learn how to go out as a family and have fun. 

"I can do that." Zayn nods, confident. 

Niall believes him. 

*

They go to some arcade with a ball pit and take turns watching Junior while the other plays with Evan. Evan has so much fun that he literally falls asleep in the chair of a star wars game. On the way home, they stop at the hotel to collect Zayn's things and check him out. 

Indefinitely, hopefully.


End file.
